Marriage and kids

Again, many from the traditional side of S.A. (and, to be clear, whenever I say this I mean the black S.Ans rather than the whites or coloureds who live in the urban areas) have the view that all adults should get married and have children. As a result, during our stay, Dom was often asked about if he was to marry before he was to be ordained (as they all were!) and I was often asked about my children as they assumed I had them. When I said I didn’t have children, I was asked how long I’d been married and many were surprised when I said nearly 4years. I thought they were surprised in the same way that people are at home as I’m so darn beautiful and youthful looking! But actually they were surprised as it’s a long time for them to be married and to not have children. In fact, Fr.Isaias told us that when he was a parish Priest, after about 4years of marriage and no children, several members of his congregation asked if there was anything they could do to help!!! Thankfully no such offers were made to Jon or I!

It is all linked though to their strong views of community and their high regard for their ancestors. To not find anyone who wants to marry you is like being rejected from the community, and if you have no children then when you die there is no–one to remember you and therefore you have really died unlike the ancestors who are remembered and therefore who still live. To remain unmarried or without children then is an awful punishment.